Day 7. Pain is just as bad, if not worse. Realized this feeling is forever. No way can I ever forget. So just bear with the pain n try to be happy that he's happier without me. Life will go on. I hv to be strong for my kids n friends. Just like how I made it thru my dad leaving the family n a Malay guy who left me after .. Well anyway the impt thing I'm reminding myself now is I made it thru somehow.
Well today Pastor prince said: ppl who are loved love, ppl who are forgiven forgive. I bear no grudges, only more love as I realised how much I missed him. I just want him to be happy n im willing to do anything for him, even give up my organs or life. When he called me one nite that he had an accident n needed a lift back, I remember I dropped all my plans that evening n drove down to pick him up n drive him home. I knew he could hv called a cab but it was the moral support he needed.
For me, I'm just so fortunate to hv met him. I'm thankful for all he's done for me. He has impacted my life so greatly that it will take forever to forget him. So That means i'd think and love him forever, no matter what happens. Forever.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
/\/\/\_______________________
Soooo tired after all the cleaning. The renovation is 95% completed. UnPacking the stuff back into the cupboards takes more time than packing them. So much stuff to throw away too...
Focussing on finding new strength n new direction.. Next step is to revamp my image. Change. Hairstyle, look n goals. I think that will help me cope better with the pain. Guess I was just too plain n boring but from tmr, I'd work towards being more confident n bold. No point dwelling on the past n hoping against hope. The old Christine is dead.
I dunno what I wanna do yet but I know I have to find a way to overcome this pain. Can't continue crying over spilt milk. If a door is closed, then perhaps I'd hv to find another way out..
Focussing on finding new strength n new direction.. Next step is to revamp my image. Change. Hairstyle, look n goals. I think that will help me cope better with the pain. Guess I was just too plain n boring but from tmr, I'd work towards being more confident n bold. No point dwelling on the past n hoping against hope. The old Christine is dead.
I dunno what I wanna do yet but I know I have to find a way to overcome this pain. Can't continue crying over spilt milk. If a door is closed, then perhaps I'd hv to find another way out..
Friday, August 5, 2011
Life support machine
I'm dead but kept alive on a life support machine. When the plug is finally pulled, I'd be at peace. Now I really understand why ppl take their lives after their loved ones leave them. The pain is too much to bear.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Letting go ...
When you really love someone, you let them go. It's such a popular saying but sooo hard to do. What I want now so much so much is to be in his arms and tell him and show him how much I love and need him. It's tearing me apart. I think my heart is simply bleeding to death. But God who loves me is sustaining me with surprises and good news. Yesterday when I was crying all day, I cried out to God - Please hold me cos I can't go on. I don't have the strength. I just wanted to die...the pain is soo bad that I just wanted to tear out my hurting heart and leave this world. God, take me home, please! I can't bear it anymore. I can't. Then out of nowhere my friend came up to me and put her hands around me and said "I'm so sad but I'm glad u're here." She gave me a hug! I mean, who's really sad here! SO i said I'm sad too but she just ignored me and continued hugging me. I could not believe it but she really cheered me up without knowing it. Then I walked back to my table and discovered another piece of good news regarding my work. My school canteen passed the third assessment! It's something I'm in charge of, so I was so relieved n happy. Finally felt a bit of appetite and went to the canteen where the canteen operators cheered me up with their rowdy talk. Then I got another piece of good news - Golf lessons extended to TWO hours on Wednesdays! Ahh, at least I've got sports to keep me company on Wednesday... And last nite, I managed to sleep all the way through and woke up exactly 5 min before my alarm rang. I knew God gave me a good sleep and I felt so refreshed...
Today it was a crazy busy day ..tears continued to well up in my eyes every few mins and I guess it's due to the breaking heart. Then my work buddies suddenly called me over, not even realising how sad I was, and asked me to go out pubbing on Friday nite, just after I called out to God "I don't think I can survive this week!"
I still don't know if I can but I'm just letting go and letting God take over. I really feel like just taking my own life and ending all the misery but I know I can't do that...I've to live for my kids...and just now, when I was taking a lift home in my wacky colleague's car, don't know why she suddenly said this "Christine! I like you very much and when u go for the PE course next year, I'd miss you like crazy!" I left her car with tears in my eyes, cos if only she knows how hard it is to just make it through each day without him..
To me he is the most gorgeous guy in all the world and even seeing his text on msn thrills me and makes my hands shiver still, even after 6 years!! How is it that I'm so hopeless at relationships?
I just hope he's happy with whoever his heart is loving now. I don't own his heart and I know there are so many younger and sweeter women out there, but I know in my heart he's the only one forever. I even went to work yesterday n today without any makeup for the first time! Heck care lah! But yet, no one noticed it and funny enough, many ppl said I looked so good and happy today, when I'm breaking up inside???!!! What the heck is going on???
Well I guess I have to learn to be more secure about myself and accept myself more. I'm going to workout like crazy cos that's what lifts me up. Two hours of golf today..tmr swim 30 laps..Friday go gym and pump iron till my arms ache!! Saturday buy a racer bike ...Sunday go cycling !
Today it was a crazy busy day ..tears continued to well up in my eyes every few mins and I guess it's due to the breaking heart. Then my work buddies suddenly called me over, not even realising how sad I was, and asked me to go out pubbing on Friday nite, just after I called out to God "I don't think I can survive this week!"
I still don't know if I can but I'm just letting go and letting God take over. I really feel like just taking my own life and ending all the misery but I know I can't do that...I've to live for my kids...and just now, when I was taking a lift home in my wacky colleague's car, don't know why she suddenly said this "Christine! I like you very much and when u go for the PE course next year, I'd miss you like crazy!" I left her car with tears in my eyes, cos if only she knows how hard it is to just make it through each day without him..
To me he is the most gorgeous guy in all the world and even seeing his text on msn thrills me and makes my hands shiver still, even after 6 years!! How is it that I'm so hopeless at relationships?
I just hope he's happy with whoever his heart is loving now. I don't own his heart and I know there are so many younger and sweeter women out there, but I know in my heart he's the only one forever. I even went to work yesterday n today without any makeup for the first time! Heck care lah! But yet, no one noticed it and funny enough, many ppl said I looked so good and happy today, when I'm breaking up inside???!!! What the heck is going on???
Well I guess I have to learn to be more secure about myself and accept myself more. I'm going to workout like crazy cos that's what lifts me up. Two hours of golf today..tmr swim 30 laps..Friday go gym and pump iron till my arms ache!! Saturday buy a racer bike ...Sunday go cycling !
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Sundays@suntec
I look forward to my Sundays at Suntec. I have my breakfast at Coffee & Toast at the Esplanade station. I like their Otar bun set with kopi c and 2 half boiled eggs. Tastier than Yakun's. In fact I have a $5 voucher to spend at Yakun but don't hv the desire to go there. Their eggs are usually too raw for my taste. After a great service, I'd head to one of the eateries at Suntec. Today we thought we'd try out the porridge buffet at the Suntec convention centre @ 13.80 each. After we paid by cash (no visa for under $50) we were led to a table. As my daughter was coughing, I decided to ask for warm water. To my shock there's no free water provided! The price is not inclusive of drinks. I glanced at the drinks menu on the table. Don't look cheap! So I decided to get a refund n eat somewhere else. I ain't eating like a horse but have to pay for a glass of water! We went to TCC as they have a one-for-one special. We were second in the queue but had to wait about half an hour, which I did not mind as the staff was kind enuf to pour my gal a drink while waiting. I ordered a seafood aglio with prawns ($18.8) and scallops and my gal ordered a spaghetti with salmon ($19). They gave us a ready flow of free warm water too. The food was really delicious though the quantity was a bit small. Scallops were just barely done n very tender, while the aglio was delicious with bits of chilli which weren't very hot. I would give the food a 5 stars rating but at its usual price I would find it not really value for money. For $10 each, it was definitely worth it though. The staff at the suntec branch are really efficient and courteous. I noticed they kept scanning the dining area when free to see if any patrons needed help. The warm water was really a heaven-sent at the right temperature that warms your throat but not burn your tongue.
On the way back on the circle line. Thought of getting a butterfly from the republic food court at suntec but remembered there's a bowl of bean curd waiting in the fridge. Bought it in the morning when I was doing my marketing for the week. At 80 cents each, it's a steal.
Going to the gym later to strength train and then practise my skating tonight.
On the way back on the circle line. Thought of getting a butterfly from the republic food court at suntec but remembered there's a bowl of bean curd waiting in the fridge. Bought it in the morning when I was doing my marketing for the week. At 80 cents each, it's a steal.
Going to the gym later to strength train and then practise my skating tonight.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
BACK and BLUE!
Yeah, blue roses is back, hehe! After a few weeks of hibernation, I have found the desire to blog again. I've found a new strength within myself that helps me to look back and work on the mistakes I've made and look forward to a great and wonderful future of love. I realise there's so much love in this world, in myself and in the people I meet everyday, if I take the time to look for it.
Well today is a great day. I woke up with a great smile on my face. I went skating at the void deck for half an hour. Now my feet can bear about 15 min in the skates before it starts to really hurt. I need about 1 min or two to rest and then I can go for another 15 min. Who cares what people walking by think of me? In fact, two weeks ago, when i was practising at nite before my eye surgery, a man walked by and suddenly stopped and talked to me. I was putting on my skates then. He said "Wow u're doing this at your age!" I smiled and said to him, "Am i that old?" but of coz I know he meant well. He said he only noticed teenagers or kids skating around the neighbourhood, never a mature woman. I was really flattered and I told him that I was just picking it up and practising. He said he stayed at that block and asked me to show him how I skate. Well I told him I'm just a beginner but he said he can't even skate but he wanted to see for himself that a woman at my age can actually learn how to skate! So ok, I got up on my skates and skated a bit and he was soo impressed. He then went off. After about 20 min, when I was thinking of stopping and going back, I heard his voice and he was back! Handed me a can of 100plus!!! Said I deserved a drink for my effort, so nice! He's in his fifties but still looked pretty fit. In order to prove he was not that old to exercise either, he proceeded to show me some squats and push ups haha. So funny. Anyway he also said he came down to wait for a fren and soon after, as I was taking off my gear, his fren appeared and I left them to their discussion... Walked back with such a warm feeling in my heart.
So back to today. Of coz i did not see this neighbour, I went to a different void deck that has a larger space. Then at 9 am i finished my skating practice, went back to bathe to get ready for church. Decided to wear a new black dress i bought yesterday. Here are the two black dresses I bought at Fashion Lab :
Guess which one I wore?
Then I went shopping at Taka after church and bought all these accessories :
Also bought a pair of shoes :
And green tea with brown rice :
Drinking it now with a cinnamon doughnut from Pop Doh! My favourite donut in all the world.
The shoes are really nice, with roses. Geesh, I'm a hopeless romantic, haha!
Well today is a great day. I woke up with a great smile on my face. I went skating at the void deck for half an hour. Now my feet can bear about 15 min in the skates before it starts to really hurt. I need about 1 min or two to rest and then I can go for another 15 min. Who cares what people walking by think of me? In fact, two weeks ago, when i was practising at nite before my eye surgery, a man walked by and suddenly stopped and talked to me. I was putting on my skates then. He said "Wow u're doing this at your age!" I smiled and said to him, "Am i that old?" but of coz I know he meant well. He said he only noticed teenagers or kids skating around the neighbourhood, never a mature woman. I was really flattered and I told him that I was just picking it up and practising. He said he stayed at that block and asked me to show him how I skate. Well I told him I'm just a beginner but he said he can't even skate but he wanted to see for himself that a woman at my age can actually learn how to skate! So ok, I got up on my skates and skated a bit and he was soo impressed. He then went off. After about 20 min, when I was thinking of stopping and going back, I heard his voice and he was back! Handed me a can of 100plus!!! Said I deserved a drink for my effort, so nice! He's in his fifties but still looked pretty fit. In order to prove he was not that old to exercise either, he proceeded to show me some squats and push ups haha. So funny. Anyway he also said he came down to wait for a fren and soon after, as I was taking off my gear, his fren appeared and I left them to their discussion... Walked back with such a warm feeling in my heart.
So back to today. Of coz i did not see this neighbour, I went to a different void deck that has a larger space. Then at 9 am i finished my skating practice, went back to bathe to get ready for church. Decided to wear a new black dress i bought yesterday. Here are the two black dresses I bought at Fashion Lab :
Guess which one I wore?
Then I went shopping at Taka after church and bought all these accessories :
Also bought a pair of shoes :
And green tea with brown rice :
Drinking it now with a cinnamon doughnut from Pop Doh! My favourite donut in all the world.
The shoes are really nice, with roses. Geesh, I'm a hopeless romantic, haha!
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