Alive ..

Check out the chicken stew I just cooked in about 35 min! Came bk after work at bout 530 pm n started whipping up this dish almost immed for my two hungry kids at home. There's something so satisfying about cooking for someone you love. It really makes me happy to see the one I love enjoying my food..

That's real love. Giving something from your heart, sharing your labour. Yesterday I asked God to teach me what real love is cos I really feel confused by what ppl profess to be love and yet it makes me so upset.

Well I allow Him to examine my heart and change it. I don't want behavior modification but true heart transformation. I believe God is able to bring me to the real love I've always sought for. After all, He is love. Who better to ask for it than Him, rite?

I can't believe the number of suitors I got when I joined this 'friendship' website just out of curiosity. I had so many requests and messages within 24 hours. I was told I was beautiful, pretty and charming. But unlike the crow in the fable, I know I could be told all these just for one reason- they wanna get into my pants! Well I hv better things to do with my precious time than meet strange men day after day, week after week in the hope of finding someone I can 'click' with... Cos I know from experience that even if that happens, it won't be long before these men tire of me and start searching for new 'bait' online.. They'd call/text me less n less..from 20 msgs or more a day to just maybe one or two a day or even less..with the excuse that they ate busy with work n family when they are actually pursuing new 'interests'.. I'd be kept like a spare car at the side, to bring out to 'ride' if nothing's happening or working out with the new pursuits..

Sigh.. I'm so cynical now that it will take a brainwash to get me back online into all that chatting and meeting..I realise now that I really do look good for my age but to these men, they don't appreciate it. They want young, fleshy, busty and wild. Well they dun realise that when they meet these gals n get into the sack with them, they are also just the flavour of the month..

What I really want in a relationship isn't just attraction and 'fun'. I need the soul bonding, caring and sharing..looking for that in chatlines is like looking for a goldfish in the ocean.. Simply impossible..

But i believe there are people out there who want what I need too. I'm a one man woman and I believe there are also one-woman men out there who are into r/s for the long long haul. Amen..

Going swimming now.. Going to enjoy the refreshing flow of cool water and the grace and poise I feel as I swim..