The opposite of pain

Ok I'd be honest here.. I'm still bleeding inside despite the smiles and cheerful facade. Especially when I go places where I've been with him or see couples hugging n kissing.. My heart will just ache. I'm trying to keep as busy as I can n do as much sports as possible to stop myself from hurting but my heart continues to beat and bleed..6 yrs of love..well one moment I'd be thankful n understanding abt his decision..but the next moment I find myself feeling the pain again. What is the opposite of pain, I wonder? Cos I know one won't feel courage unless one has felt fear, nor happiness unless one has been sad before... Perhaps I'd find more joy after all this pain? I swear I'd never break up with anyone who loves me even abit, ever again. I won't wish this pain even on my worst enemy!

Much better than before!

For the past month, every morn when I wake up, I log into New Creation website to read the daily devotional.. Today the verse says :

Isaiah 61:7
7Instead of your shame you shall have double honor, and instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double; everlasting joy shall be theirs.

Wow! I can't wait to see how that will be but I'm already seeing some evidence.. somehow for the past wk many ppl have been commenting on how much younger I look. Well I believe God will renew everything, including my youth. I'm going to get rid of all the clothes, lingerie, shoes, bags n jewelry I wore in the past. I've already cleaned out half my wardrobe. This weekend I'd continue my shopping to revamp my whole image. I don't want anything that is associated with the past. I'd be working out and getting fitter and if that means a shapelier figure then it's for my own pleasure n not to please anyone. I'd fill my new wardrobe with clothes that I like!

One of the best swims ever...

Just had one of my best swims ever. Hit secOnd wind at the 5th lap n it was turbo all the way to the 20th lap! Swimming has really helped me get over the last month..t first 2 wks I was crying n swimming..but after the swim I felt so much better.. Well no more tears..cos I've finally found the strength from God to accept it n move on...I'm a different person now, more optimistic, forgiving and softer..

Looking forward to my third swim for this wk on Sat. For the rest of the next few wks including Sep hols, I'd be really tied up with so much activities that I really hope I'd hv time to breathe!! Like bowling, golf n cycling.. Even badminton sessions at sch with the pupils after their exams.. Teacher's day dinner is gonna be another gr8 event to look forward to.

My new philosophy is - believe in myself and see myself the way God sees me. I feel so much stronger with Him on my side. I was so close to wanting to end it all just a few wks ago but now I focus on myself n start anew. I'd always treasure the memories n the times when I was so loved n needed..but now I need to love n believe in myself more than ever as I move on ... I'm sure I'd find love again but i'm not ready now for any new r/s. Before that happens, I want to have enough love to give away too. That's why I'm turning down phone calls n dates to focus on strengthening my faith in God.. . A breakup can really shake one's confidence but in the long run it will make one stronger... Most impt, from my experience, is not to deny the pain but go thru it like I did and remember these two sayings, "it's always darkest before dawn." and "what doesn't kill you will make you stronger."

Only love can break a heart and only love can heal it

True beauty can only be seen and felt with the mind and heart. What the eyes see, the mind gets tired of it soon enough. But when the heart feels it, that is when it blows the mind!

Only love can break a heart.. And only love can heal it... Now that I know what true love and beauty is, I'm holding on with tears of gratitude. How is it I was so blind?

Hello to the new slimmer me!

Wore one of my new dresses to town yesterday and from the number of appreciative looks I got, I know I was looking good in it! I really love the new slimmer me! Had a great shopping trip in town n came back like a Tai-tai, hehe, armed with shopping bags! Finally got my Aisics!! Sportiv 360@wheelock is having a sale n I got two pairs. But even if it wasn't a sale, I would have bought the shoes at full price cos I believe I deserve good stuff at even the full price. Check them out! I wore the white n blue running shoes for a run yesterday nite n I felt like I was running on air. In my opinion, Aisics is better than Nike! The black one is for my daily school use. Can't wait to wear them tmr.





Feeling like a million dollars! Well I'm worth more than that. Cooked prawn aglio after all the shopping and my family ate it with their thumbs up! I had to give up my share and still they were scraping the pan, haha. Though I only ate a bowl of cereal for dinner, I went to bed in my newly renovated bedroom, exhausted but so happy and full!

Yes, I've finally decided to leave the past behind and all its unhappiness and embrace a new happier future. I woke up this morning, smiling and filled with hope and anticipation for my future. I have a new bunch of crazy but lovable buddies, a new sport (golf) and a new look! Waiting for my hair dresser to come back from his holiday to give me a new hair style! It's a new me with a new purpose, new heart and new spirit! Even my pupils at school are loving the new me - they flock around me even during recess and say "teacher, why are u in such a good mood nowadays?" My colleagues are beginning to complain that they can't stand the endless stream of pupils coming to look for me at my table, haha...

Thank God for all the pain I've just been through, cos it makes me appreciate the happiness I'm feeling now!

Love being a woman

I love being a woman!! Bought 4 lovely dresses that really looked good. Must be due to the extra weight gone. The salesgal remarked that I've lost a lot of weight but it's only 2 to 3 kilos really. Anyway, the pain is still there, just as bad. But what doesn't kill u makes u stronger. I tell myself that I can't help losing someone due to whatever reason, whether looks, age or personality, but I can control how I feel about myself. I've decided to feel good and look as good as I can for my age. I really don't know how much longer is my time left on this earth so I want to live it happily with no regrets and bitterness. Not going to be easy but a journey of a thousand miles begins with a few steps. So one hour, one day at a time..who knows what tmr will bring? Though my heart is breaking, it's still beating n I'm thankful for that!

Makan@Turf City

Look at the lovely food and my lovely buddies! I just lurve them. Too bad I din have much of an appetite still..had a very bad migraine that day. Well at least they all ate my share!!











We were planning get-togethers like pubbing, holidaying and makan sessions... looking forward to it all... Life is to be lived with friends and loved ones, right?