What I didn't Say

There's a song by Saving Jane called "What I didn't Say"..



It's so true that what we didn't say says more than what we did say. I'm one of those people who find it hard to express my feelings in words and in person. But it's what I didn't say that tells about the real me. So this blog in a way serves this purpose - it helps me to express what I could not say in person. I guess people who don't know the real me think I'm such a warm, confident and obliging person. What they DON'T know is that there are many sides to me. There's this angry side to me - the one you wouldn't want to mess with. I keep it hidden a lot cos I've learnt from past experiences of unleashing it that I ended up regretting it bitterly. Nothing to boast about - lashing out in anger and giving people a piece of my mind, cos I end up losing the friendship, the trust and my dignity..

Sometimes we think we know someone well but do we really? I don't think i've ever shown the REAL me to anyone yet. I'm like a chameleon. I show wat I think the person can take and hide what they don't need to know. I don't mind if nobody really knows me well, not even my family. As long as I KNOW myself well, that's all that matters. I don't seek to be understood cos I know it's too complicated and shocking. I can live with what i've done but I don't think people can. It's sad that people are so judgemental. For example, when i posted in this blog about my best friend Rosiah and I fantasizing bout giving a blow job to a colleague's husband, a few readers were shocked! "How could you? It's not rite of a woman to say such things". Men can't decide what they want. They think women should not be so wild. But in these men's fantasies are women who are wild and uninhibited.

Anyway I guess Singaporean men are still a very conservative lot. They watch porn in private but in public they pretend to frown at women who are sexily or provocatively dressed. Maybe they're brought up with values that say women must be modest and decent. I do agree that those are virtues that are highly desirable in women. They have heard stories of how such wild women end up leaving with Caucasian men. What they don't know is..these women did not leave because they were wild. They left because they were not appreciated. A lot of Asian men still don't know how to appreciate and woo their women. They treat them like maids. I should know that, cos that's what my life is like. I dress modern and so on, but at home, I'm like a maid - i do the housework, cook and take care of the kids. If I had been more appreciated, I wouldn't be wishing for my Prince Charming to come along to save me.

Appreciation is so simple to do - just a word of thanks or a hug but the consequences of neglecting it can be so disastrous. Let me quote an article I read on appreciation that says it all :

The Value of Appreciation
Posted on February 1, 2005

By Tim Connor

Have you ever gone out of your way for someone and received a dull stare? Have you ever gone the extra mile for a friend or relative and had them act as if it was nothing? Have you ever experienced the frustration of being a thoughtful person and been treated as if your act of kindness or thoughtful behavior was expected and deserved and not even worth a simple thank you?

Well, I have, and on too numerous occasions to mention. I am not on an appreciation crusade so please understand that I don't need a thank you every time I do the slightest act of thoughtfulness. Having said that, I am constantly amazed at how few people have the manners, good taste or simple courtesy of saying thank you when it is the appropriate thing to do. It seems that as a society we expect things from everyone.

The list of people and examples is endless. Waiters who refill your iced tea, cab drivers who handle your luggage, people who hold doors open for you, drivers who let you cut into the line of traffic, spouses who acknowledge your simple courtesies and the numerous other daily examples of thoughtfulness that people do or fail to do for whatever reason.

There are some basic premises involved in simple appreciation. People who can't find it in their behavior to thank you may have a number of things going on either consciously or unconsciously. Here are a few of the possibilities.

These people are often insecure.
Many have low self-esteem and don't feel worthy of your acts of kindness.
Many feel entitled.

Few understand the simple truth that when you appreciate my thoughtfulness it makes me want to do more for you and the opposite is also true. Your lack of appreciation makes me want to do less for you.
Some are just so inner focused and don't even recognize your thoughtfulness.
Many believe that that is your job — to do stuff for them and it doesn't warrant even a simple thank you.
A great deal of people are so stressed out today that they could care less about your thoughtfulness.
Some just were never raised with simple manners.
Many people are angry about something in life and are taking their anger out on those people in their life, even strangers, who don't deserve it.
A lot of people believe that life is really just all about them.
Do you have someone in your life who fails to appreciate or even recognize your thoughtful behaviors? If you do, I will guarantee that their behavior will sooner or later take its toll on the quality of that relationship. What these people fail to recognize is that when we have less than appreciative people in our life, we will eventually stop giving to these people and we will make other people the focus of our thoughtfulness.

If you put yourself in the category of being less than an appreciative person — most people who think they are appreciative but who are not tend to have personal blind spots in this area and if you asked them if they believe that they are really appreciative, they would tell you yes — you might want to consider what you are losing from the people in your life. They may have just decided that you are no longer worth their thoughtful consideration and have found other people to give to.

There is one problem for the givers in this world. If there are too many people who fail to appreciate giving or special people; spouses, parents, friends, bosses etc. — people who just don't give them the appreciation they feel they deserve — they may stop being thoughtful to anyone and everyone all together. The problem with this reaction is that you have let other people's behavior determine your behavior and this is a position of weakness. Trust me: I know. I have been there. Ultimately, what you have done is let these people determine how you will go through your life. Don't do it, the price is far too high.

About the Author:
Tim is the President and CEO of Connor Resource Group, Peak Performance Institute and SelfHelpMarket.com. He has been a full time professional speaker, trainer, coach, consultant and best selling author for over 30 years. Each year, over 85% of his presentations are return engagements for the same clients on such topics as peak performance management, effective leadership, customer focused sales strategies, personal motivation, leading edge customer service and building positive business and personal relationships. He is the author of over 45 books including the international best sellers, Soft Sell, That's Life, The Ancient Scrolls, The Male Gift Giving Survival Guide, Your First Year in Sales and Life Questions.

Bodies, Homes, Lovers and Jobs

I used to envy women with sexy curvy bodies but now I realise a sexy body doesn't necessarily mean happiness. It may mean even bring pain and sorrow for some women, cos having it means more attention from men and the wrong kind sometimes who's only interested in your body and nothing else. On the other hand, a fit body will make us happy cos we feel healthy and energetic. Exercise also creates endorphins which makes us happier too.

In the same vein, a well-furnished apartment or luxury house doesn't necessarily mean happiness either. A house is not a home until it is filled with laughter, love, warmth and caring. I'm glad that recently my house is becoming more of a home. We share and joke over meals that I cooked and weekends we go to gym or shopping as a family. My children look forward to coming home and so do I.

As for lovers, are the best ones necessarily the most beautiful and hunky ones? I beg to differ. I think the best lover is someone who really cares for you. You can tell cos he/she calls everyday to ask how your day is. When you are sick, he/she accompanies you to the doctor or gets you health food to help you recuperate, or go out of his/her way to give you a lift. He or she is sacrificial and thinks only of YOUR well-being, willing to go out of his/her way for you. When it comes to sex, it's not about her/his needs being met first, but making you feel loved. That's why it's called LOVE-MAKING - means making your loved one feel loved. Otherwise, it's called sex. That's why I hate flings. The men won't be making you feel loved, cos you're just a stranger. They will use your body to fulfil their lust, that's all. They expect you to be equally turned on but sorry, I don't get turned on by a strange man groping my body!! That's not love, that's MOLEST!

Now for jobs. A high paying job isn't necessarily happiness either, if it comes with lots of stress, politicking, compromise of personal principles and lack of time for loved ones and exercise. I think my job is great cos i have time to swim everyday, time to cook for my loved ones, time to sleep a solid 7 hours and at the same time I make kids happy and mould their future! It doesn't pay very well but what the heck, it pays more in personal satisfaction!!

Daily Swimming

I swam for the second consecutive day yesterday and it was really good. At first I did wonder if I'd be over-doing it but then I recalled how invigorated I felt on Tuesday nite after my swim so I decided not to think twice about it and just go ahead. The pool was crowded with both adults and kids, but so wat, a swim is a swim, doesn't matter if the pool is crowded or not. So i swam 20 laps a bit more leisurely than the previous day. After that, I felt as fit as a fiddle!! Whole body was singing with joy. I'm looking forward to tonite's swim again. Wow, this daily swimming thing is good. I did a search on the internet and came up with a lot of links on benefits of daily swimming. It's one exercise you can do daily, unlike jogging, weight training or cycling. The therapeutic effect of the water also destresses and makes one feel calmer after a hard day of work. It also provides all over body toning. I'm looking forward to a better physique already. I really don't understand how some people, particularly women can do without exercise. For me, it's my powerhouse. Without it, I actually feel more tired and drained. After exercise, I feel rejuvenated, invigorated and fresh. I'm getting more compliments at the pool too, especially in my new swimming suits, hehe. I guess it's not age that matters, but the overall package. Someone said I look fresh, glowing and fit for my age and he thought I was in my thirties! Well that's surely an incentive to continue swimming.

It's Complicated

Isn't this a status choice in Facebook? haha, it's truly a nice tagline for a movie that is hilarious and yet unnerving. Watched it yesterday and it's like watching parts of my life. If I were Jane, who would I choose - the ex-husband or the architect? To be honest, at first I was rooting for Jake, the ex-hub. Cos he seemed so in love with her and they seemed to have so much chemistry. Imagine a man preferring to have sex with YOU, a mature woman in your 50s with wrinkles, sagging boobs and eyelids, rather than his HOT SEXY YOUNG wife with washboard abs and delicious boobs spilling out of her bra! But when it came to the part when Jane waited up for him but he couldn't make it because his HOT wife wanted sex, I started thinking "he just wants his cake and eat it too." At that part, I cried a few tears because I had actually experienced how she felt, all dressed and hoping to spend an evening with someone only to be stood up cos that person had to spend time with his wife. I remembered feeling like Jane, so lousy and confused, asking myself "why did I have to stoop so low?? Am I that desperate to be loved that I have to allow myself to be treated like that?" It was not just once, but many times that I had to experience that lousy feeling of being stood up. Ok, back to the movie. Then the next morning, he turned up for lunch and Jane actually cooked him his FAVOURITE dishes. But all it takes was a call from his young wife demanding him to go back and he had to leave. That was the breaking point for Jane. She blurted out as she was carving the chicken - "by the way I have a date". I don't think she had intended to go with that architect but if I were her, I would do the same thing. After ALL the trouble you took to cook his lovely dishes, this spineless guy can't even say no to his wife. The only thing he was capable of was sneaking out behind her back to meet Jane for sex. He only gave lip service to his feelings for her, but when it came to the crunch, he could not do it. This kind of guy only wants his cake and eat it too. He wants the sweet taste of the forbidden fruit but he's not willing to sacrifice for it. So Jane thought to herself - all he wants from me is the sneaky meetings, the quickies, the lunch dates..but deep down his heart he is still not going to leave his young wife, no matter how much he says he prefers Jane's company. When Jane started seriously dating the architect, he made a move to leave his wife but by then it was too late. Jane knew he would rather have her as a mistress than a wife.

To be fair to men, I think this movie shows that men wants more than just a hot body. They need someone they're comfortable with, someone who makes them feel good not just physically but also emotionally. Well that's what I THINK. But men will still be men. A HOT body is always too good to pass over. Personality and character almost always loses to looks, well initially.

This movie also shows what women really want. Not hot passionate sex ONLY, but someone who cares about their needs, listens to them and spends time with them. Jake was only initially interested in the sex and was hoping Jane would be satisfied with just that, but she needed more. That's why affairs don't last, cos they mostly aren't relationships. Relationships involve sacrifice, responsibility, respect, caring, sharing interests and future goals. Talking about goals, I found out why Meryl Streep looks so good for her age. She swims a mile everyday! That's like 35-55 laps? Wow. I'm so inspired that I'm going to swim 3 times a week for two months and then gradually work up to 5 times too, and see how it goes. I just came back from a swim, in fact. Feel like a million dollars!!

No time to feel

That's me on my school website as well as organizational chart in the general office. Taken in Sep/Oct last year. Not bad huh, I must say. But these two weeks have been soooo hectic that I don't even have time to feel nice or maybe even look nice. My nail polish is chipping, my eyebrows badly need trimming but I still don't have the time to go tend to them! There's so much to do at school for the first month. But one thing I do feel is - FLABBY! Haven't been exercising as much as before. This week I only managed to clock in 3 times. So I have packed my exercise gear and going to either gym/swim right after my tuition. The state of my body determines how I feel. If I'm flabby, then I don't feel good. I NEED to be FIT and TONED before I can feel great. So this week I'm going to squeeze at least 4 times a week of exercise no matter what!

Welcome 2010

Can't believe its been a year since my "Welcome 2009" post here!! Here I am, halfway through the first day of 2010, sipping milk tea (made by my son) and feeling comfy in my blue spaghetti strapped baby doll dress :) I woke up this morning at about 8 am, sprang out of bed like a deer to get to the wet market to buy fresh salmon. Could almost inhale the fresh sea scent of it as I drove out in my car. My family has taken to salmon ever since I started buying it from the wet market instead of the supermarket. I found out that the part of the fish nearer to the belly is so tender and tasty because it's got more fat. I haven't tried salmon belly strips yet, though but I will soon! Cost me about $20 for 4 pieces of the salmon. I'm going to marinade it wif some Japanese teriyaki sauce and then grill it wif some butter. Simply sumptuous!

After marketing, it was intensive labour as whole family got about cleaning up the house. My aunt's dropping over for lunch and games. So glad for these Magiclean wetwipes - they really make cleaning up the floor a breeze. Within half hour, I had cleaned up the entire house! Just attach, wipe, clean and throw. No need to lug a heavy pail of water around, messy water spills and waiting for floor to dry. In fact, I find that these moist wipes pick up dirt better than the traditional wet mop. But frankly speaking, I'm really not into house cleaning. To me its really a CHORE. Wat I enjoy most though is grocery shopping, cooking and washing up!

My sweet angel of an aunt came over at lunch, just after I've finished showering and dressing. She's such a frugal person. She earns peanuts as a cleaner at a Christian book store but gives us so generously for each of our birthdays - around $100 each! It really shows what a kind and generous heart she has. So I decided to bring her to Nanbantei, the Japanese restaurant in Far East Plaza to try the yakitori. In case you have not tried it, it's one of the best yakitori in town. Been there for 20 over years. The Obento set is only $13 (served during lunch time only) and is so filling that you really need to skip breakfast if you're going to have it for lunch. Read more about the restaurant here :

http://global.hungrygowhere.com/singapore/nanbantei_japanese_restaurant/


Here's a picture of the bento set :



After lunch, we went back. My aunt brought her Rummy set to play with us. We always play this whenever we meet at her place. But I couldn't join them this time as I had to do some urgent school work. Well I've just finished it before I started blogging. Talking bout school, I'm teaching a P3 class Science and Maths this year, in addition to my usual PE workload. I have PE classes across 4 levels - Pri 3 to P6! Really challenging! Well my New Year resolutions will be to win the Best Teacher award again. I won the Best Teacher Silver Award this year. What's so prestigious about it is that it is voted by the pupils (just like the S'pore Idol). In order to attain my goal, I'd have to speak more encouraging remarks, be more understanding and caring and also be more humorous! The kids always love a funny teacher rite?

In terms of personal goals, I want to be more focused on my fitness regime - doing quality workouts each time. I also resolve to be more frugal, like my aunt and spend more on my friends and loved ones.

Well my aunt is napping now. I gave her a BIG angpow for her Christmas and birthday (which was on 29/12) consisting of $300 shopping vouchers and $100 cash. That's cos she really really deserves it. It makes me sooo happy just to think of her buying something she likes with the vouchers, cos I know she's one who will not indulge in herself. If I had given her cash only, she'd just save it or give it to someone else, that's her! Do you know she's already 69 but she leads such an active busy life, always going out with her friends, helping others and occupying herself very productively. When you're around her, you don't feel you're with some grumpy, disgruntled, cynical and tired old lady at all. She's full of fun, love and warmth.

Hmm.. I guess I've allowed the negative bugs to bite me in 2009 quite a bit. Well I resolve to be more postive this year. One of the ways is to be around positive people more often. So if you're negative, please stay far far away from me!

Before I go to chat with my aunt, do have a great start to the new year and lots of wonderful, loving, successful and warm moments ahead! Do keep healthy and remember to EXERCISE!! Health is wealth! Cheers!

Strong Back

My friend Anita recently had an acute back lock. She was sitting in her office chair for nearly two hours and when she got up to reach for something on her desk, she felt this excruciating pain in her back and she couldn't straighten up!

Really no joke yeah. I was really affected to see her wearing a brace. Immediately when I got back after seeing her, I searched the internet for links to this condition and found out more about it :

http://www.back.com/articles-back_pain_relief.html

It seems that strengthening the back will prevent this from happening. So I made a resolution to do my back exercises more faithfully, especially my swimming. It seems that front crawl is great exercise for the back, but breaststroke can aggravate the tailbone if done wrongly and too much. Anyway I had a great swim earlier tonite, 20 wonderful laps, alternating front crawl and breaststroke. I felt really strong and flexible after the swim!! Not to mention, so happy too :) Exercise really releases endorphins. Well one of my new year resolutions (besides loving my 'jumbo' partner even more) is to swim even more often (3 times alternate weeks), do my strength-training exercises faithfully (twice a week) and take my supplements more regularly. I've been taking only 3 caps of Glucosamine and 1 cap of Activite (multi-vite) but from now on, I'd be taking 6 caps of glucosamine and 2 caps of Activite daily!